either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
