If i come over, it means nothing
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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