she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
