Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
