I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Someone came in the potted fern
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
