my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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