We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
