Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
