So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
