you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
