Umm I'm too high to move.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
This is my gift to your gina
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Randomize
