I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
