I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
there was a trapeze. enough said
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize