You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
