i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
