i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
