i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
