i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I heard we made out
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
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