Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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