fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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