I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
