You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
