She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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