The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
