he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
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