dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
