I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
