I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
