dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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