Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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