So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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