It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
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He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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