Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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