i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
