I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
