I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
