remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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