Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
