I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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