i'm signing you up for texting rehab
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
