Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
