Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Randomize
