Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I can text with my tongue
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
