its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
