There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
