Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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