Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
