how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I'm jealous of your bromance
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I need to calm my uterus...
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
