It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
