So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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