so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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