you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
