Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
someone owes me an orgasm
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
