I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
