Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Randomize
