Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
