I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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