New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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