last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
