You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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