I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
