we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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