She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
