Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
did you just send me my own nude
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
