; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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