So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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