i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i just had sex bonerless
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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