32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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