official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
