i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Randomize
