we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
