my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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