watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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