would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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