Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
