I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
