I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
