I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
