Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
