Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
