How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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