i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
