how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
