Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize